Sunday, September 16, 2007

I Hate my Skeleton

It is true that this blog has been seriously neglected for too long. My spine is the culprit. I can manage only short sprints at the keyboard and those have been reserved for the increasingly difficult job of keeping my little business afloat.

By the way, they don’t call them “spinal taps” anymore. They are referred to as “lumbar punctures,” or “LP’s by those too busy to spare the extra syllables. Sometimes LP’s leak, and when that happens, you get nasty headaches. Mine leaked and I’ve been lying on the couch now for three days in an effort to forestall having a “blood patch” procedure performed. That’s where they draw blood from you and inject it into the leaking LP, which patches the hole and theoretically ends the headaches.

The headaches are dissipating and my estranged spinal column is slowly coming to the conclusion that is just can’t live without me. I’m not one to hold a grudge, but I’m not sure I’m ready to let that unfaithful piece of shit come waltzing back into my life as if nothing ever happened. We’ll see how that works out I guess.


Blogger Kara said...

Stupid spinal taps. If only yours had a volume that went to 11.

We (royal 'we') miss you, Slag. But, you know, that's mainly because Jill has been updating less since she's so busy taking care of YOU.

1:39 PM, September 16, 2007  
Blogger Stucco said...

Damn, Kara beat me to the 11 joke... Why did you have an LP in the first place? Hope it gets better quickly- you're missed.

2:39 PM, September 16, 2007  
Blogger Agent Kitten said...

My thoughts and prayers (in a southern accent) are with your spine.

7:45 AM, September 17, 2007  
Blogger Evil Spock said...

That sounds horrible. Hope you get better soon and start writing. Btw, what does spinal fluid look like?

11:53 AM, September 17, 2007  
Blogger Hammer said...

Dang, that sounds painful. You've convinced me to take better care of my back.

Hope you feel better soon

8:12 PM, September 17, 2007  
Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Oooh, poor Slaggy. I do hope things improve soon - it must be bloody miserable.


1:43 PM, September 18, 2007  
Blogger Shimmerrings said...

...sorry you've been way down... glad you are part way back up... you know we all keep checkin' in... we need our fix, ya know...

5:59 PM, September 19, 2007  
Blogger Anne said...

Sorry to hear that, bro. Hope you feel better soon.

2:31 PM, September 20, 2007  
Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

I wake up at 2 am with a frozen spine that won't let me sleep...

I tried tapping on it, taking a leak, and both seem to help some.

My giant blue ball is my number two fix. My massage chair my number one fix...

6:12 PM, September 21, 2007  
Blogger Sarah said...

Sorry you're feeling so bad. My Dad had an LP and I remember he had horrendous headaches. I hope all is well soon. S

3:34 PM, September 22, 2007  
Blogger Crankster said...

Here's hoping that everything's looking up--take care of yourself!

1:42 PM, September 25, 2007  
Blogger nic said...

I had a friend who had those headaches. They were terrible. And that's an understatement.

I'm sorry you had to have an LP in the first place. It's usually not a good thing.

I hope you feel better soon, slag. I know a lot of folks miss the heck out of you. Myself included. :)

4:20 PM, September 25, 2007  
Blogger slaghammer said...

Hi Kara, you are a comic genius. Jill has had her hands full with me, or of me, or whatever. I try to hide the bullshit from her but she can smell a breakdown from ten miles away.

Hey Stucco, she beat me to it also. The LP was for blinding, incapacitating, ball busting headaches, four or five a week for the last couple of months. They’re not migraines and there are no bullet holes that I can find. Go figure.

Hi Agent Kitten, the mighty Zeus has let me down this time. I hope your god has a little more mojo than that deadbeat I’ve been paying homage to for the last few years.

Spaawwwwwwwwwwwk! Spinal fluid looks like motor oil with leaves and twigs floating in it. Maybe it’s not supposed to look like that, maybe that’s my problem.

Hi Glamourpuss, bloody, bloody miserable. All I need is a few days without some dilapidated physical component going haywire on me and I think I could pull it all together. Stupid skeleton!

Hi Shimmerings, thanks for hanging around. It must be that I’m getting all of the getting old crap out of the way so I can live a nice, quiet old age in blissful harmony with the little furry creatures of the forest, and such.

Hi Anne, there’s no where to go but up.

Hey Scott, you need to have that giant blue ball looked at by a health care professional. I too have access to a message chair. I have to be careful not to overuse it though. There’s a fine line between healing message and powdered vertebrae.

Hi Sarah, the LP was just the icing on the cake. The reason I had the LP was to maybe figure out why I was having these terrible headaches, then the LP gave me a series of headaches, and then I went back to the other nasty headaches. Ironic.

Hi Crankster, thanks for the cheerful words.

Hi Nic, thanks for hanging around and having faith. I’ll come out the other end of all this crap sooner or later.

11:51 PM, September 25, 2007  
Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

I do indeed hope you get better soon!

8:22 PM, October 26, 2007  
Blogger slaghammer said...

Hi Oran, thanks. There is still more room at the bottom, but I refuse to go any further down.

8:50 AM, October 28, 2007  

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