Wednesday, April 18, 2007

To See or Not to See (There Is No Question)

I’ve seen this issue come up occasionally. I have heard the question dealt with on talk radio a few times and bloggers sometimes argue the pros and cons. Oddly enough, most people seem to have strong opinions one way or the other.

The question: Is it necessary, advisable, and/or appropriate to ascertain the effectiveness of your wiping maneuvers in order to determine when the job requires no further action on your part, i.e., should you review the results of your final wipe before reaching for the little chrome lever?

You might think that the debate would hinge on the issue of cleanliness. Logically, for me anyway, subjective definitions of the word “clean” and effective strategies for attaining a state of clean should be the only points of contention. I guess if it were that simple, there would be no public airing of grievances, accusations of negligence and incidents of indignant anger that keep popping up.

I figured it was time to lay the issue to rest, so I compiled and condensed the most commonly occurring points of view from both sides of the debate; two fictional men will present these arguments here in first-person format.
Neither of the imaginary antagonists are women. Why? Because based on the limited data at hand, it appears that most women do look before they leap and most are horrified to learn that many men do not, therefore, they skew the statistics unfairly in one direction. Besides, Jilly tells me that most women will have stopped reading this post after the second paragraph, when it became obvious that the subject is even worse than shit; it is about getting it out of your crevice.
I don’t understand that position at all considering that sphincters, rectums and human waste are a never ending source of entertainment. Anyway, my interpretations of the two primary points of view are as follows.

Position 1:
I heave my final log and I retrieve an enormous amount of wood-pulp-based-cleaning-material from the spool hanging beside the bathroom fixture on which I sit. I drag the haphazard wad of absorbent, and highly abrasive, material across my danger zone.

Things get a little murky at this point. I’m not sure of the mechanisms involved but it is during this scraping maneuver that thousands of miniature butt gnomes are deposited in my crack.
These tiny gnomes diligently search every nook and cranny. They set to work in a frantic effort to restore my danger zone to a pre-soiled condition. It is for this reason that I feel no need to look at the fruits of my labor. I have complete trust in my gnomes and as far as I know, they have never let me down, ever! Besides, if I were to look at that wad of paper and actually see my own deu deu, I would vomit.
I think people who look at their own dung are snobbish nasty freaks. I finish up, spray myself down with Axe Body Spray, and then leave the house for a few hours.

Position 2:

I have deposited my final offering and I retrieve a conservative quantity of wood-pulp-based-cleaning-material from the spool hanging beside the sanitary porcelain bowl on which I sit.
I pass a neatly folded pad of luxuriant Charmin (with Aloe and Vitamin E) gently but firmly across my holy ground, and then repeat.

Of course, there is no need to view the results of my first or second swipe since I am educated. I understand the dynamics of digested animal and vegetable waste. I also know that in my crack, there will be no army of butt gnomes to do my dirty work for me. It is my mess, and it is up to me to clean it up. It is for this reason that I look.
More often than not, on the third swipe I find the task has been satisfactorily completed to current cultural standards. Sometimes though, instead of unblemished Charmin there in my hand, I see vile filth and I am grateful that I performed a visual inspection. I repeat the process with visual examination until that sucker is polished squeaky clean.
People who fail to examine their work are nasty repulsive freaks. My ass is a temple and I have trained it never to offend; I will not desecrate it with dingleberries. I finish up and feel no need to saturate myself with over-the-counter stink abatement products or stuff my pockets with potpourri to camouflage the fetid vapors that would otherwise breach the thin fabric barrier between my ass and my fellow human beings.

I will now sit in Judgment:

In the case of onlookers versus non-lookers, I rule that personal sensitivities are doing a great disservice to personal hygiene. Bottom line, you must look. Unless your body excretes waste like Spock’s coffin in The Wrath of Khan, which I believe is not possible, you do what you have to do to get that thing clean enough to use as a serving dish for Thanksgiving turkey. Use a belt sander if you have to; just get the damn thing clean.

I can think of only a few scenarios where not looking is ok. Departure from even one of these requirements is a deal killer.

- Your spouse, partner, or date does not perform visual confirmation either and you live on another planet.

- You wash your undergarments in your own (non-public) washing machine or you take them down to the river on the end of a long stick and beat them against the rocks.

- You engage in no public activity that might surreptitiously cause your cheeks to spread.

If you have any lingering doubts, there’s no need to take my word for it, ask a granny, any granny. I’m glad I could help.


Blogger paulo said...

As much as I'd like to claim I'm no slave to the excessive cleanliness of modern society, I like having a (relatively) clean ass. Realistically, you don't need to look. We haven't evolved for millions of years only to fall prey to murderous bacteria and what have you if you're careless with the wiping. Still, I like to look, and I like the TP for bunghole to remain white after the last swipe, and my filthy bits, ass included, are the only parts I wash thoroughly when I bathe.

4:02 AM, April 18, 2007  
Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Jilly is entirely correct - you lost me at the second paragraph. Eeew!

Nice pic of Charles I though.


7:14 AM, April 18, 2007  
Blogger Hammer said...

Luckily my diet has recently given me soil free torpedos which only require a test wipe.

I'm not sure what happened but it's pleasant not to have to swipe 50 times, give up and shove a wad of paper up there to avoid embarassing hershy marks.

8:11 AM, April 18, 2007  
Blogger Goncalo Veiga said...

Can someone pass me the toilet paper, please?

8:30 AM, April 18, 2007  
Blogger Cheesy said...

Oh please!! Do not encourage non-lookers to beat their crusty unders in any of MY rivers! lol

[I read the whole thing... am I now not "female? Let me check...awful bumpy there to be a guy.....}

8:51 AM, April 18, 2007  
Blogger Jazz said...

You never cease to amaze me...

It is a horrific subject, but, it would seem one that obviously needs to be addressed.

Check. Be sure. 'Cause leftovers are things to be kept in the fridge for tomorrow, not in your butt.

End of discussion.

9:54 AM, April 18, 2007  
Blogger Sarah said...

Only a trust in you kept me reading past paragraph 2. Only a man would consider this subject as only a man would realise that there are non-lookers in this world. I am amazed to discover the possibility, even, of non-lookers. Although it would explain some of the nastier aspects of laundry I have dealt with in the past. As a woman I can tell you that where I suspected some men were dirty no-good stinky s.o.b's I had no real evidence for this conclusion. You have provided me with that evidence and for that I am grateful. I am also grateful ( as I am sure your Jilly is ) and pleased to learn that you are not to be associated with the above category. I now need to lie down in a darkened room. S

11:54 AM, April 18, 2007  
Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

You tackle all the big issues Slag. Forgive me though, I couldn't finish reading the whole article; lets just say its too early for this ;)

( And yes, I do make one final expection :| )

4:33 PM, April 18, 2007  
Blogger Big Brother said...

Humm next discussion should be the relative merits of North American bum wipe versus the European bidet.

8:22 PM, April 18, 2007  
Blogger Stucco said...

Scrubbing bubbles and a random-orbit buffer- that's the ticket. And, look at the buffer and change buffing pads as appropriate, or yer just a poo-flinging ape.

10:22 PM, April 18, 2007  
Blogger slaghammer said...

Hi Paulo, it is true that the human species has done quite well living alongside their mountainous piles of waste. I even heard recently of a prominent MD who claims there is nothing inherently dangerous about eating spoonfuls of one’s own shit. However, it does have a powerful stink and that’s enough for me to rationalize the burning of skidmarked underwear.

Hey Glamourpuss, I have a feeling you’ll be back to read the rest of it. Nobody can resist the siren call of toilet humor. Also, I believe you are correct, it is Charles 1st in the second to last jpeg. You do know your kings.

Hi Hammer, what the hell have you been eating, lawn mower clippings? Whatever your secret is, I would at least like a hint.

Hi Goncalo, at the end of a long stick, maybe.

Hey Cheesy, as long as they do their dirty business downstream, it should be ok. Also, regarding your question “am I now not female,” the answer is no. The rules are clear on this subject, you read past the second paragraph, you are a man.

Hi Jazz, are you saying that some people poop in their refrigerator? It is an intriguing idea, I’ll give it a try and report back later.

Hi Sarah, it is one of those dirty secrets that men hide from women. I’ll likely be branded a traitor for spilling the beans.

Hey Orhan, it’s never too early to retch.

Hi Big Brother, bidets freak me out in a big way. I understand the logic of them but I have a hard time drinking from public water fountains, much less hovering over a shit caked spray nozzle and getting my ass soaking wet. I’m sure my mental images of those butt sprinklers probably have little to do with the reality of it, but still…

Hi Stucco, even well soaped orbital buffers cannot wash away the truth, we have always been, and will always be, nothing but shit flinging apes. If only the alleged Eve hadn’t eaten the alleged apple and pissed off an alleged deity, maybe our destiny would have been hanging out for an eternity in a nudist colony.

12:33 AM, April 19, 2007  
Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

I beleive in the power of the bidet. No look passes for me...

1:25 AM, April 19, 2007  
Blogger Judith said...

Your should be applauded for your sheer bravery to tackle this subject! You never cease to amaze me with the subject matter in your posts. BTW you should see the toilet paper here in the restrooms of pubs in the uk & eire - what constitutes as toilet paper is made of camel hair and sandpaper! They are what a friend of mine lovingly describes as arsebleeders...

4:51 AM, April 19, 2007  
Blogger Evil Spock said...

With everything going on in the world, Evil Spock appreciates the break with a little scatalogical humor.

Though by the end, Evil Spock did throw up a little in Evil Spock's mouth.

8:08 AM, April 19, 2007  
Blogger Kara said...

Jebus. They should all just use baby wipes and be done with it. Now let's talk about something important like SHOES. Or penises.

10:26 AM, April 19, 2007  
Blogger slaghammer said...

Hi Scott from Oregon, the bidet is a mystery to me. Because I do not understand it, I fear it. I view it as an unholy union between a water fountain and a urinal. During sessions on public toilets, I have employed the courtesy flush while still sitting and had nasty crap-water spray my ass, apparently due to faulty engineering. I imagine a bidet doing something like that, times ten. Maybe someday I’ll have it all sufficiently explained to me.

Hey Judith, I have had the same experience with cheep motel toilet paper. My best guess is recycled newspapers mixed with fiberglass insulation. I’ve been stuck in jobsite port-o-cans on a few occasions with nothing but magazines with slick, shiny pages with which to do my business. Not only is the surface too slick to do the least bit of cleaning, the folds in the paper will cut you like a rusty old steak knife if you are not careful. I learned quickly that you have to work the paper like a piece of leather to soften it up before using on your delicate parts.

Evil Spaaaawwwwwwwwwwk! I don’t know what I would do without scat to make fun of, the world would be a much sadder place. Regarding your little stomach mishap, that happens to me when I have to clean up piles of dog crap. The worst is Golden Retriever dung. Those dogs lay down huge logs that look distressingly human-like. I retrieved one from my yard a few years ago that had to weigh at least five pounds. It was heavy and hot with a viscous coating of colon slime all over, nasty.

Hi Kara, we can talk about shoes. I prefer shoes with slick soles that don’t track mud all over the place. That’s pretty much the extent of my opinion about shoes. We can talk about penises too. Other than my own, I have no use for them whatsoever. That is the extent of my feelings towards penises. Well, nothing else to talk about now except dung. My earliest memory of dung is some time between my third and fourth birthday. I walked into the bathroom and found little brother inside the toilet going nuts with some manure that had been left by a grownup. He had the stuff smeared on and about his face and in particular, in his ears. He climbed out of the toilet with a wild grin on his face and he started chasing me. I credit him not only for my first memory of the stuff, but also for the anal retention that I live with on a day to day basis. My second memory of crap is….

9:23 PM, April 19, 2007  
Blogger Judith said...

Regarding the retriever story to evil spock slag, we have a timber wolf here in the job and the glistening description you gave reminded me of the turn of phrase that my co-workers use in the salvage yard (which 'fang' operates and patrols in) shovelling the waste here is a delicate operation on the asphalt which requires the skill of a surgeons hand, if done wrongly its disgustingly referred to as 'breaking the skin'. Im sure you guys feel better having shared that..

3:34 AM, April 20, 2007  
Blogger Goncalo Veiga said...

"at the end of a long stick maybe!" Haha! :p

I love your humour!

11:25 AM, April 20, 2007  
Blogger slaghammer said...

Hi Judith, the term “breaking the skin” is very similar to the words we used to describe what happens when you get onto a cow shit war and choose one to pitch that’s not quite crusty enough to hold together. “Cowpies” are, as many people are aware, much more dangerous to throw than “horse apples” as cowpies commonly have very liquid centers.

Hi Goncalo, a very long stick.

9:23 PM, April 20, 2007  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Cowpies have the heft, it's true, but for a shit-flinging contest the only way to go is rabbit. One tiny pellet, launched from a rudimentary sling, can fell a full grown man and he will stay felled for up to a week, meaning you'll have loads of time to shave his eyebrows and write rudey things on his forehead in indelible ink.

Can you see the biblical analogy wot I made? Oh yup, the Noah story still has much to teach us.

Also, These tiny gnomes diligently search every nook and cranny.

How many nooks and crannies are there in your bumcrack?

Look - one must always, always look

1:39 AM, April 21, 2007  
Blogger Judith said...

horse apples? ! *giggle* So dog toffee is not as effective as cow pats? we also have feral cats in the yard who keep getting into our stores yard and leaving their cat butter in rolls of copper, my boss says one of these days he'll kick it back into them!

2:07 AM, April 21, 2007  
Blogger slaghammer said...

Hi Sam, unfortunately, some of us have more crannies than others. Also, while rabbit pellets might have their uses, and cow pies are definitely more dangerous to handle, the results of a well flung bovine projectile is an awesome thing to behold.

Hey Judith, while my brothers and I would not hesitate to fling horse apples and even the occasional cow pie at one another, never, and I mean NEVER, would we ever do something so foul as to throw dog turds. Now that’s just gross. ;-)

3:59 PM, April 21, 2007  
Anonymous rachel said...

I, my friend, am an ass wiping expert (I think, anyway being that I am charged with the cleanliness of FOUR asses). I say look.

9:50 PM, April 21, 2007  
Blogger madpotter said...

Eat Quaker Rice Cakes intermittently throughout the day betwwen meals and you'll you'll find no messy buffet bombs to clean up after. Instead, you'll have rapid-fire rabbit pellets, perfectly formed and too small and hard to even stretch open the ol' sphinx. Think machine gun. I swear!

10:18 PM, April 21, 2007  
Blogger Little Wing said...

Well, Slag, I should have known this was coming after the long male restroom etiquette debate... and after having straightened me out on the correct way to hang the tissue that performs the all important deed. I read all the way through, and I'm still a female, so far as I can 'tail'. I'm proud of you for doing the right thing. Somewhere, nearly 30 years ago, I was appalled to read, in a little book called The Happy Hooker, that men actually crawled out of bed leaving... well, as she called it, 'shit streaks on the sheets.' All I could think was, "and she slept with the filthy creep? ... and then told about it, too???" Yuk! You can certainly tell those crude dudes weren't taught proper 'technique' by their ma's. But, which is worse? Being negligent in teachinge proper clean up, or forgetting to teach your uncircumcised youngster (did I hear someone say they wanted to talk about pee pees??) to pull back the prepuce, before taking a leak. Course, that's another subject, just like the toilet paper issue, but I trust you can handle that one as sleekly as you handled the toilet paper conundrum. This is important stuff, Slag. You are picking up where lazy ma's left off! What would this stinking world come to, if you didn't step in? I bow to you, Brother. When all is said and done, this will be remembered in the Book of Life... 'cause they say cleanliness is next to Godliness, afterall.

10:03 AM, April 22, 2007  
Blogger slaghammer said...

Hi Rachet [sic], you are indeed an extremely accomplished ass wiper and I’m not surprised in the least that you agree with my assessment regarding the “look.” I have to say though, (Inside-Joke Alert!) I’m glad you didn’t claim five asses, that would have creeped me out beyond description.

Hi Madpotter, unfortunately, I am a sufferer of that most medieval of afflictions, the dreaded gout. Of the many, many, many, many, many things that I am no longer advised to consume, oats are right up there at the top of the list. I might still be able to indulge in a singular oat, but only for special occasions.

Hey Little Wing, with my own eyes I have witnessed skid marked underwear and I understand how that can happen. But just how absent minded would a person have to be to maintain an ass so inconceivably filthy that it would leave a trail on bed sheets? I understand there are people who have a great affinity for feces and I’ve even heard it described as “love mud,” but still, if a person is going out on a date, the least they could do is haul that keester into dry dock and scrape the barnacles before putting back out to sea.
Regarding your comment on prepuce management, I can’t offer much advice on the subject since I was “chopped” long before I had the mental faculties to either have an opinion or hold a grudge. I have to say that not having one does make for a remarkably uncomplicated bathroom experience.

1:49 AM, April 23, 2007  
Blogger Anne said...

The rules are clear on this subject, you read past the second paragraph, you are a man.
Damn. Now what do I have to do to become a woman again, read the back of a box of tampons? Darn you, Slaghammer. ;p

12:56 PM, April 23, 2007  
Blogger Little Wing said...

I hear ya, Slag... then again, you have to consider the title of the book I was reading... it seemed like all the rave back in the hey-day of women's lib, but that ain't no excuse for such yukiness!... and p.s... I like the one idea that Kara had... just use baby wipes and get it over with.

5:29 PM, April 23, 2007  
Blogger Gledwood said...

Thanxx for the commentary on mine: most pertinent as per usual!!

Love the fat arse // dog underneath shot btw -::- GENIUS !!

5:49 PM, April 23, 2007  
Blogger slaghammer said...

Hi Anne, I’ve read the backs of those boxes and I’m pretty sure they were written by men. Besides, it’s too late for you, rules are rules and they can’t just be arbitrarily flaunted. Otherwise they would be recommendations. As a newly confirmed man, I want to be the first to tell you about Harbor Freight. They sell outlandishly cheap tools for every conceivable manly endeavor. I “recommend” you start with a sand-blasting cabinet and we’ll talk about belt sanders and MIG Welders next week.

Hi Little Wing, I can’t stand the smell of baby wipes, it’s like a baby-powdery diaper-ish Laundromat kind of stank that I can definitely do without.

Hey Gledwood, the only things standing between that little dog and the great beyond is a cheaply made folding chair. Funny how the perception of sanctuary can be so misleading.

9:40 PM, April 23, 2007  
Blogger Crankster said...

Thank you for showing the bravery and, uh, intestinal fortitude, to examine one of the most sweeping issues of our age. I agree with your conclusion: non-lookers are the foulest, most repulsive beings on the face of the planet.

4:33 PM, April 24, 2007  
Blogger Whippersnapper said...

The other day when I read this, I made it as far as the words "final log" and then I had to flee. Today I made it to the "miniature butt gnomes in my crack" part. You are a brilliant writer, but, uh, I'm sorry, I just can't do this... I think I'm going to flee back to Jill's lovely strawberry post, if you don't mind. Maybe I'll come back and try to make it to the end tomorrow. (No pun intended there, by the way..)

7:31 AM, April 25, 2007  
Blogger Dr. Blogstein said...

FINALLY, someone brave enough to tackle this important issue. I always look (and sometimes smell, but thats more out of curiosity than functionality.)

I can only hope that this is but (butt) one of a series of insightful looks into this area. I want a full investigation into the correct wiping techniques--front to back or back to front.

9:28 AM, April 26, 2007  
Blogger slaghammer said...

Hi Crankster, never let it be said that my intestines are not fortified.

Hey Whippersnapper, don’t be afraid to drink from the fountain of knowledge. Sometimes the truth is ugly, sometimes the truth will induce a gag reflex and sometimes it will even make you soil yourself, but you should never turn away from it. Try affixing a nicotine patch or maybe slam a shot of tequila and then come back for heaping, steaming pile of reality. ;-)

Hey Doc, who can honestly say they’ve never basked in the glory of their own stench? I applaud you for your candor (I despise that word). Regarding wiping techniques, I think dogs have that problem worked out with the old ass drag technique.

5:46 PM, April 26, 2007  
Blogger mist1 said...

You've been away for awhile. Are you still examining your work?

10:04 AM, April 30, 2007  
Blogger slaghammer said...

Hi Mist1, considering all the irritations, mishaps, calamities and cataclysms that I’ve been afflicted with lately, looking at my own shit has turned out the be the least distressing of them all. I’m ready for things to get back to normal for awhile.

8:55 PM, April 30, 2007  
Blogger Goncalo Veiga said...

Btw, have you caught that robber?! :p

11:39 AM, May 02, 2007  
Blogger slaghammer said...

Hey Goncalo, it’s been strangely quiet on that front. I’ve set a baited camera trap but the dirty bastard, or bastardette, has yet to show his/her face.

4:37 PM, May 02, 2007  
Blogger Goncalo Veiga said...

Come back Slag! :D The world awaits thee!

6:28 AM, May 09, 2007  
Anonymous euny said...

you gotta clean it if you want it licked. if it gets tiresome wiping (i feel that), employ the use of water.

And i quite like to know what's the latest in the swimmin hole.. y'know, check it's all tickin along..

And i didn't read all the comments, so sorry if someone said that already.

3:54 PM, May 10, 2007  
Anonymous gledwood said...

Hi what's happening? Long time no hear whassup?? Hey I got a new video blog - well 2. One is music. The other funny clips. If you have any please contribute!! They're linked to mine via the top right of my screen & my profile ... hope 2cU there


9:02 AM, May 12, 2007  
Blogger slaghammer said...

Hi Goncalo, the world is trying to exterminate me. ;-) Sorry for the late response, I plan to get back to my regular blog duties as soon as by body resumes normal function.

Hey Euny, I agree, I keep it shiny enough to blind a person on a sunny day.

Hi Gledwood, explanations and lame excuses for my failure to post are forthcoming. I’ll check out your new blogs as soon as I can sit in a chair for longer than five minutes at a time.

9:52 PM, May 12, 2007  
Blogger Kara said... can just stop acting like you're not there...I mean, I KNOW you're home, the lights are on.

12:29 PM, May 14, 2007  
Blogger ZS said...

Slightly off topic, but you don't happen to know why butterflies continually land on dog poos, do you? Someone once suggested to me that they were stocking up on nutrients. Would they really develop rickets from a deficiency of poo in their diets? Or are they just filthy insects?


9:46 AM, May 16, 2007  
Blogger slaghammer said...

Hi Kara, it’s true, the lights are on but nobody is home. I’ll be back to my blog duties and visiting in the near future.

Hi zs, thanks for dropping by. Regarding the secret lives of butterflies, their graceful countenance and bright colors hide a darker appetite for shit smearing and flower-bud feltching. I’m not judging butterflies, after all, who among us hasn’t feltched flower buds, it’s just something to think about before letting one land on your nose. That’s all I’m saying.

12:21 PM, May 16, 2007  
Blogger Sarah said...

Hello Slaghammer

I keep popping by to see what you're up to.I'm missing you and your genius.I hope the world leaves you in peace soon so that you can come back and write.

8:36 AM, May 19, 2007  
Blogger Cheesy said...

Sending back healing hippy chick vibes... I for one miss you!

10:36 PM, May 19, 2007  
Blogger Gledwood said...

Hi it's been a long time since you've graced my comments - what's up?

You know what you were saying about "logging manoeuvres" - are you trying to imply that some people actually check that their starfish is not dribbling chocolate with a handmirror or something? Seriously?

Honestly that is more gross than walking the streets of the great city with a shitty sphincta!

Come by and see my new video blogs! Panda sneezing is a particularly good one.



3:46 PM, May 21, 2007  
Blogger Sarah said...

Where are you?? I really hope you are ok. S

2:07 PM, May 25, 2007  
Blogger Stucco said...

Slaghammer, Slaghammer, wherefore art thou, Slaghammer?

11:23 PM, May 25, 2007  
Blogger slaghammer said...

Hi Sarah, thanks, I’m trying to make it back to where I was before. It’s been a rough couple of months.

Hi Cheesy, I need those vibes, keep them coming just a while longer and everything should be ok.

Hey Gled, got slammed by ill health. Regarding the log maneuvers, I recommend mirrored floor tiles as hand mirrors can be a little tricky while taking care of business.

Hi again Sarah, I think I’m over the hump, blogging soon I hope.

Hey Stucco, “Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?” I’ll be off my arse in the very near future, explanations and apologies are in order I guess.

12:19 AM, May 29, 2007  
Blogger Sarah said...

Just glad you 're going to be back soon Slaghammer.I was getting a tad worried. Look after yourself. S

1:59 PM, May 29, 2007  
Blogger Dr. Blogstein said...

In the words of Abe Lincoln and The Beaver: "We Miss You."

3:01 PM, May 29, 2007  
Blogger Goncalo Veiga said...

I wish you get better. :) Hug from Portugal!

4:09 AM, May 31, 2007  
Blogger Judith said...

Hope to see you soon and hearty

5:35 PM, May 31, 2007  
Blogger slaghammer said...

Hi Sarah, thanks for the well wishes. My little issues are getting less sucky in fits and starts but slowly heading in the right direction.

Hi Doc, Abe Lincoln and the Beaver? It sounds like the title to a porn flick. “Whore scored seven years ago…” And yes, I have seen that commercial. The Lincoln character gives me the creeps.

Hey Goncalo, that’s the farthest distance from which I have ever received a hug. The previous record was about 2200 miles. I believe the new record now stands somewhere in the neighborhood of 6200 miles. Thank you.

Hi Judith, soon yes. For hearty we might have to wait awhile.

12:41 AM, June 04, 2007  
Blogger Anne said...

I hope you're starting to feel a little better. I'm sending healing vibes too, can you feel 'em?

12:43 PM, June 05, 2007  
Blogger Gledwood said...

Hope you're feeling better soon if not already.

I never have to type in your url as Random Blog Button always takes me here automatically!

7:51 PM, June 05, 2007  
Blogger Milena said...

Interesting subject. I will contribute by saying that I use both wet and regular paper which I find it to be excellent combination LOL

How are you? I don't see any new post so I was wondering... Hope all is fine :)

11:49 PM, June 05, 2007  
Blogger slaghammer said...

Hi Anne, not so much better as just getting used to it, and yes, I can feel those vibes.

Hey Gled, it sounds like your random button is stuck. Give it a little squirt of WD-40.

Hi Milena, kitty litter and Scotch Guard ™ works pretty well too. My blog has lain fallow due to injury, but I’m working on a post even as I write this.

12:56 AM, June 06, 2007  

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